Is ‘The One’ out there, or a form of self-medication in a world gone mad?
You know, this may be a heavy topic for Friday, but here goes. Does ‘the one’ exist? Or, have y’all been watching way too many romantic comedies? Personally, I think I’ve been watching way too many BBC specials and I’m hopelessly romantic. However, I don’t kid myself by thinking there is some perfect man out there who is destined to be with me. Instead, I think they’re probably at least 100 people would be perfectly happy with I had the luck to meet them, and probably about 1000 people I’d be pretty happy with nonetheless.
That is a pretty sensible conclusion, I think. However, I can’t shake the years of romantic fallacies from Media which have probably ruined everyone’s chances of ever being happy with another human being, ever. This is a bold statement, so please excuse my melodrama (again, way too many BBC dramas).
My my sentiment still stands: Media has created a portrait of ‘prince charming’ which no man can live up to. I’m not saying that we women should settle for just any old toad, but perhaps some of us are asking for a tall order that no one can fill except the man in your head: a fantasy (let’s call him Mr. Darcy).
So all of us go through life, to varying extents, adhering to gender roles, looking for Mr. Darcy, and being disappointed. But why? This is only my current theory: chasing Mr. Darcy allows us to self-medicate ourselves when life doesn’t turn out the way we’d hoped (which is basically most of the time).
It doesn’t matter what happens, or what wonderful people you have, or have had in your life, you can always return to your placeholder lover: Mr. Darcy. And you know what? He always knows you best and knows exactly what to do and say – this is the advantage of having a man who is a figment of YOUR imagination… 😉
What are we self-mediating (and don’t worry, I am applying the word ‘us’ liberally)? Basically the disparity between ‘what we want’ and ‘what we have’. So, if only we can alter what we want, perhaps we can be happy with what we have?!
In many ways, I think this is the reason that the key to every happy relationship is communication and acceptance. I read an article recently where a relationship counselor said that the vast majority of couple arguments are never resolved! Basically, the only remedy is to change YOUR perception of the behavior. Crazy, huh?
So, I guess the answer to this question is to find someone who makes you happy and ticks all of your important boxes. Then, love them for who they are and where they are at in their lives.
But, this is all too easily said, and not so easily done. 😉
Three cheers for trying to break some of the code in our cultural programming!
(and yes, I AM going to watch another BBC drama this weekend! Haha)
To life, love, and happiness!